I’ve been gaslit my whole life, but nothing distorted my reality more than a therapist who crossed numerous boundaries and ethical codes mental health providers are supposed to adhere to.

I cried to her, asking her what reality I was in? Begging to know if I was the abuser others—even she—kept directly telling or implying to me that I was, or if I was the one being abused. She laughed it off as a “great philosophical question.”

From the start, she blurred the lines: personal disclosures, gifts, treating me like a friend rather than a client. It felt like warmth for a newly diagnosed autistic, slowly unmasking, non-binary person seeking safety. But that was exactly how the confusion took root. She preyed on my vulnerabilities—a tactic often used by emotionally manipulative and predatory people.

I knew something was wrong deep down, but circumstances trapped me there. This kept me in a vicious loop of trusting when I shouldn’t have, while my intuition slowly screamed that something was off. A pattern I’m all too familiar with from past abusive relationships.

What gave me the reality check I desperately needed? Documentation.

Because I suspected something was off early on, I kept emails, texts, and some recorded phone calls. I reviewed them for years—not to destroy a career, but because I genuinely didn’t trust my own memory and perception of what had occurred.

When I finally reported her, her employer believed me immediately and fired her. They were legally required to report her to the State Counseling Board. Over a year later, the Board found her in violation of multiple ethics codes. Her punishment wasn’t perfect as she still gets to keep her license and harm others, but it confirmed what I needed most: My reality was correct.

Mental health providers seem to only help once the abuse is over, never while it’s happening. And never if they are unaware of how toxic they are and the ones abusing us as clients. So I created this checklist for myself—and for anyone else who finds themselves questioning their reality in situations like this or in their personal lives.

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a trained professional. This is not a substitute for professional care. Please consult a qualified provider.