I spent two years begging an abusive, untrained therapist to help with my binge eating. She dismissed it, called it “coping”, and told me to keep going. Even after I left her horrible “care”, no other professional my insurance gave me access to seemed to know how to help. So I was left to figure it out on my own.

I did, using the method that has always worked for me: documentation!

I built this journal and spending log to see the real damage. At first, I didn’t care about my body—I was severely depressed and honestly didn’t want to keep living the life I felt I had failed so miserably at. (This was directly after my formal autism diagnosis when I was starting to fully unmask.) But when I saw how much money was disappearing—money that I could have been putting towards my cats’ care the way they deserve—that finally got through to me.

I was broke, depressed, and watching my limited monthly income vanish on food that was killing me. I couldn’t justify neglecting my fluffy best friends so I could continue eating garbage.

If you’ve lost touch with self-care, sometimes the only way back is through what you do love, even when you feel you can’t love yourself. For me, it was my cat familiars. This log forced me to finally see the real impact it was having on them. Once I saw that, it finally hit me what it was doing to me as well. So maybe it will help you too.

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a trained professional. This is not a substitute for professional care. If you struggle with disordered eating, please contact a qualified provider.