My struggles with binge eating was something I brought up repeatedly with an ex-therapist I was with for 2 years, who was extremely abusive and not properly trained. I would tell her it was getting out of control and she just shrugged it off like it was no big deal, even though I told her I knew my eating was an indirect way of self-harm. Rather than helping me address it, she encouraged me to keep doing what I was doing as a coping mechanism. I was left to figure it out on my own.

So I did — in the way that has always worked best for me: documentation.

I created this journal and spending tracker because I needed to see the full picture of what binge eating was doing to my life. Not just physically, but financially. Living on a fixed income in poverty, I had stopped caring much about what it was doing to my body. But when I started seeing how much money was disappearing — money that meant I couldn’t care for my cats the way they deserved — that got through to me in a way that nothing else had.

I was constantly depressed and stressed because I barely had money for us all, yet I was spending hundreds of dollars on junk food each month. I kept telling myself that eating healthy was too expensive, but even if that were the case, I was still wasting money on food that was taking away care from the things most precious to me — my fluffy best friends, my cats.

If you’re someone who has lost touch with caring for yourself, sometimes the way back in is through something you still do care about. For me, it was them. This journal helped me see the real cost clearly, and I hope it does the same for you.

I am NOT a trained professional, and this should not be used as a substitute for professional care. If you are struggling with disordered eating, please reach out to a professional for support.